OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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