This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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