Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Randomize
