please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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