I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
