And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
