He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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