OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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