and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The beer is more important than you right now.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
