After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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