Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
