i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
