I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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