i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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