We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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