I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You did what with his pubic hair?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
