Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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