O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
