im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
