Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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