I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
