I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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