i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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