Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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