Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
