Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
