did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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