you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We don't watch enough power rangers
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
