i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
