Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
