Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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