I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
