If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
