i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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