i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
