we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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