Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
