Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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