I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
