I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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