She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
