Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
