My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
