I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
