Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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