I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
