Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
