We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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