I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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