I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
