Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
